Mom Guilt

I feel like I should make myself a t-shirt to wear on every trip that bluntly reads, "Mom Guilt", so that everyone knows what I am feeling. Now imagine if all my fellow moms were to wear that shirt when they were feeling it. I could totally use the "I know what your feeling" remarks from a total stranger every now and then, or a friendly, "Welcome to the Mom Guilt Club" smile.  If you are a parent, you get what I'm saying.  

I know that my kids are fine. Yes, they miss me and are pretty darn good at drudging up the mom guilt quickly when they want something, but they are also incredibly understanding of my work schedule.  I equate the mom guilt feeling to the adrenaline at the start of a race, when you can't sit still and you have to pee. It's instinctual. As soon as I start packing my bags, the mom guilt pang hits.  It starts in my head and works its way down into my heart, and it doesn't really go away until I bust through the front door at the end of a trip. 

But mom guilt is also a good thing, right? I mean, it stems from love and keeps us grounded. I'm mean, I'm writing this on an airplane while I am knee deep in feeling...So I guess that means I have learned how to deal with it, or at least manage it. For my experience as a traveling, working mom, here is my best effort at 5 Ways to Help Manage Mom Guilt:

1. Talk to your kids. Tell your kids about why you work and the importance of contributing to the financial well being of the family. (To be frank, I ask them about all their activities and remind them that they cost money. Mom and dad need to help with all our bills so we can have more fun together.)
2. Face Time or Skype.  Be a part of bedtime from you computer or phone on the road.  Once the kids get used to it, they will talk to you (or ignore you) like you are right there with them.  You can even read with your kids.
3. Share your schedule ahead of time. I find that my kids don't appreciate when I spring my work trips on them. They want to know if mom is going to be there in the morning or not. Don't avoid it, deal with it.
4. Let them react.  If you kid wants to be mad at you or sad at you for being gone, sometimes the painful truth is we need to let them and just take it.  Sit back and hear them out. Tell them you understand and love them so very much.  Even young kids sometimes just need to vent.
5. Show them where you are going.  I do this especially when I am working with my charities. If I can connect my kids to what I am doing, then it feels like I have a team of support back home, and they feel more involved.

Hope these help! If you have other tips for dealing with mom guilt, share them! We moms need all the coping mechanisms we can get :)

Chlorine is in the air

It’s that time of year again, when kids are itching to hit the pool and parents are hunting down swimsuits, digging for goggles, and quite possibly wondering, “how in the world do I get my kid swim ready?” Well I am here to help. And believe me, after five months of schlepping the equipment of ski season, swim season is a cinch! 

The first and most important things to know is that you have to make learning to swim a priority.! No matter how great you are as a parent or how closely you watch your child at the pool, bad things can happen right under your nose.  For example, I was chatting with my friend in the baby pool when Spider was 1, sitting down right next to him. I glanced at my friend while she was talking for what felt like 3 seconds, but when I looked down at my son, he was face down in the pool…he hadn’t yet figured out how to pull his feet/legs back under him to stand up.  He and I were both freaked. So remember, it doesn’t matter how well YOU swim, it’s how well your child swims without you that’s important.  Get them in lessons first and foremost!

Here are seven things to help you have a fun and enjoyable swim season:

1. Find a lesson and instructor that you trust and that works for your family. Check out usaswimming.org. As I have said about a million times to anyone that will listen….Take your child to swim lessons with a calm and happy demeanor. Even if they scream and cry, smile and tell them you love them. Hand them over to your trusted instructor, and then get out of sight. I cried every second of my first set of lessons! As a parent you cannot give in!
2. Make a curriculum. If your child is beyond pool safety and you want them to learn to swim, set expectations with the instructor. Yes, it should be fun, but learning strokes can and should be a part of their curriculum.
3. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat. Repetition is key! The more days you swim in a row, the better you will become. Often if a kid hasn’t been in the water all winter, they will jump in the pool for the first time at the beginning of summer and “forget” what to do.  Get them back into the swing of swimming with a one or two week long EVERY DAY series of lessons. These lessons don’t have to be long, maybe 20 minutes, but the repetition will be worth it.
4. Keep a swim bag! You must create a swim bag with suit, cap (mostly for girls), goggles, towel, sunscreen, conditioner and lotion.  To maintain the suit, rinse it out after every swim. Learn how to put your cap and goggles on properly. You find great instructions on use and correct fit on Speedo's Facebook page. Using conditioner helps keep hair from getting super brittle and tangled due to the water and chorine. And put on lotion, chlorine water dries your skin out like nothing else! If you don’t put lotion on, you will itch like crazy!
5. Go for it. If you’re wondering whether or not your child is ready for a swim team, I say just GO FOR IT! I firmly believe that kids get better and learn faster in a group/team environment.  Yes they are forced to swim more and practice is longer, but you will see such incredible improvements that lead to some serious confidence and smiles!
6. Learn about the sport. Once your kid is on the swim team, you need to learn about the strokes and their times.  The greatest part of swimming is that it is all time based.  Therefore the kids can focus on their own PR’s as opposed to what color ribbon they won!
7. Celebrate a competitive attitude! If you child is bummed they didn’t win, I think that is fantastic.  You can help them learn that winning isn’t all that’s important, about effort and determination and commitment. Use the disappointment as a way to teach them about ways they can improve for themselves and be faster. If they are a sore loser, use the moment to teach that is not acceptable behavior and redirect them. The joy of an individual sport is that the outcome is in their hands. 

     Such incredible life lessons can be taught through the ups and downs in the swim pool.  Enjoy them

     and Happy Swimming!

The NFL Draft

Watching the NFL draft reminds me of all those years I worked for the NBA and LOVED it. There is a crazy amount of excitement and an amazing sense of innocence from all the players. It is the first time many of us get to meet these big stars, and they are so nervous! To be honest with you, they were so cute. Young, thankful, grateful and innocent.

I know the NFL is big business, but all I've seen at the NFL Draft is emotion - pure and raw. And that is why I, we, watch. The hugs between family members, the tears at the table, and the childhood dreams coming true as young men walk onto the stage to greet Mr. Goodell or answer a phone call from their new team owner. What a moment! And even though there is an incredible paycheck attached, when you break down this draft moment it is beautiful in it’s purest form. It is A DREAM coming true. And under those full beards and 2-300lb frames, they are still the same little boys waiting to get picked to play the game they love!

Once they hit training camp, the game is all business. But on draft night, when Roger Goodell calls their name…at that moment, it means they've made it. It means all of their hard work has paid off. All of their families hard work has paid off. You can see it. You can feel it. And, it is awesome. I have heard draftee’s say, “You get this one moment, you’ve got to go for it.” Go for it and hug whomever you can, cry if you want to, and jump up and down if that’s what makes you happy.

And then, of course, there are the ones that chose to be present at Draft night and did not get drafted. Even thinking about it now makes me cringe. Every time they would show Geno Smith, I would imagine what he was feeling, and I was sad for him. It was brutal to watch him get passed up time and time again. When they put him on TV, he was always looking down at his phone and probably wishing he could hide from the cameras. But he will be better for it. It is just another reminder of how young these men are even though they seem so strong.

We’ve all had our dream moments. For me, it was making the Olympic team and then winning a gold medal. Part of the joy of making the team was getting to enjoy the moment with my family and taking it all in. Draft night is just that, I would imagine. One part of the dream is realized, and they get to pat themselves on the back and relive the moment of their official announcement as a member of the NFL. And then they begin to focus on the second part of their dream… of doing something great with this opportunity both on the field and off. Dreaming of making it to the Pro Bowl, of an MVP season, and being named a Super Bowl Champion all while giving back to the communities around them.

Seeing all those dreams and goals in the smiles of a 21- or 22-year-old when he hears his name called, that's what the NFL Draft is all about!

Sanders Details Marathon Experience via ESPNW

I shared my experience with ESPN following the events in Boston, and rather than rehash that day, I'd like to share that here as well.

Sanders Details Marathon Experience

Summer Sanders discusses her experience at a hotel room close to the Boston Marathon explosions.April 17, 2013espnW.com

Summer Sanders went to Boston to run the marathon she'd always dreamt about -- and finished it in 3 hours, 33 minutes, 13 seconds -- all before bomb blasts shook the city and changed everything. Here are her thoughts and feelings about that experience.

I always say that the Olympic Games, and my moment in 1992 in Barcelona, was the culmination of all the emotions an athlete can feel. This experience at the Boston Marathon has brought out those emotions 100 times more.

Leading up to this race, I blogged about how beautiful it is -- every part of it. In Hopkinton, where the race starts, people open up their homes and set up stands to give free sunscreen, Vaseline and safety pins to runners. These people get it. They celebrate the marathon in every way.

The best way I can tell you about the Boston Marathon is by taking you through the heart of my day. Here goes:

I remember the start well, including all the people volunteering and helping runners and the children handing out water in Dixie cups. These were the people who got me started on my journey to 26.2.

I saw some spectators multiple times throughout the race. They were holding the same signs. It was as though they were traveling with me -- I loved it.

My people were cheering for me at Mile 17. I had a tear in my eye when I ran by my mom and my cousin.

20-yard from the finish line

The last 6 miles were not pretty. I kept thinking, "You can do this," but my legs were so tired, and they were cramping up. My friends had told me about the Citgo sign (runners get a big view of the Citgo sign between Miles 24 and 25), so I got excited when I finally saw it. The same thing happened as I turned onto Boylston Street, which is where my hotel was.

As I pushed toward the finish, I saw my mom at the very top of the stands with her neon green sign, so I could spot her. I crossed the finish, and I had no idea what time it was. The race clock said 3:37. I had a quick interview with Universal Sports almost immediately, and they asked me to send a message to my kids, Skye and Spider. Here's what I said: "This is a reminder from Mom that you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it. I love you more than you'll ever know."

The mood in my hotel was jubilant when I walked in, but That didn't last long.

I could barely walk due to the cramping in my legs, so I was taken to the medical tent. I had been digging as deep as I could, mentally and physically, to finish, so I had nothing left. I was crying because I was so grateful to be there and to get medical attention.

I didn't stay in the medical tent long because I wanted to meet my family at my hotel, the Lenox. It's right there on the corner of Boylston and Exeter streets. Every time a runner walked into the lobby, the crowd would erupt in a cheer. It felt wonderful.

My family and I went up to my room. That's when we heard the first blast. We felt it, too. The second blast was louder and felt stronger; I screamed because it was so frightening. We looked out our window and saw the scene below as people started reacting.

My first thought was to leave. But almost immediately an alarm sounded throughout the hotel and there was an announcement that we were in lockdown. We couldn't go anywhere. We were also told to turn off our phones.

It was a blessing that I was with my family. My mom sent an email to everyone to tell them that we were OK. The first thing I thought of was my kids. I went into survival mode. If I couldn't do anything to help, I needed to get home to my kids.

The next alarm and announcement was about 20 minutes later. It said that we all needed to evacuate. We were walking as fast as we could -- marathoners who'd just finished the race, trying to go down nine flights of stairs. It was hard to hold it together. My mom's words -- "This isn't our time" -- helped me.

When we got outside, we were a massive group of people who didn't know what to do or where to go. Many runners hadn't even seen the news yet. We just started walking. We saw military trucks arriving -- reinforcements in full gear. Somehow we found our way to the car that would take us to Logan. I just kept thinking about my 5:15 p.m. flight and how I needed to get home to my kids. There were a lot of other marathoners on my flight.

My husband, Erik, was worried about me, so he turned on the news. The kids heard some of it, and Dad had to explain that there was a bomb. He told them that we didn't know who caused it, but it was definitely a bad person.

Spider's first question to me was so telling: "Do you have any scrapes or scratches, Mom?" And then, "Why would that bad man do that?" I said I didn't know. My 5-year-old son was worried about me, my scrapes and scratches, but I had none.

I was so touched by all the friends and family who reached out to make sure I was safe, and I'm grateful to everyone who responded with help or aid or encouragement during that awful time. I know that I'm not alone. Our running community will be even bigger now. Runners are my family, and I will have even more family to run with now.

It's important for me to remember that I accomplished something Monday, in the spirit of the 117th Boston Marathon. Boston is a strong, resilient city. I'm forever connected to it.

This isn't what the Boston Marathon stands for. Boston put its arms around me every step of the way. All I want to do is give back -- to put my arms around it. I'll start by getting out there to run again today, in honor of everyone who was injured and those who died.