Wardrobes and the dream of tear-free mornings

Anyone else pulling their hair out getting your child dressed for school…

It happened all last year, so I don't know why I am surprised that it happen again. We even went to great lengths to pick out clothes the night before, and lay them out …I mean, how easy is that?!  But a girl can change her mind, I guess, and my daughter does. We use to go through such drama in our house by 7:30 a.m. that I considered invest ing in a morning wine.  

Playing it cool was the only thing I can do. I once threatened to drop her at school naked, but deep down I knew that could get me arrested, so I caved and we were 30 minutes late for class.  I feel for her, I do. She'd get so worked up about picking out the "perfect" outfit. I try to stay out of it because whatever I choose, she can't stand.  Sometimes I purposefully pick the things I don't want her to wear for that reason. OOps my secret is out. 

This year, I made it my mission to nip this before it started.  Only, I wasn't quite sure how, but I took a shot at it. Here was my Plan A:

Plan A: set out the first 3 days of outfits on Sunday. I'm even decorated some cute hangers that represent the days of the week.  Once the outfit is on the hanger, there is no changing. Clothes that get laid out but not worn are banned from wearing for a week. I feel like she’s just not of sound mind at 7 a.m. to make such a big decision, so doing it at night will really help her (err, ME).

And, if she doesn't wear the outfit she picks out OR causes a fuss, I have no choice but to take the outfit and put it in the No Wearing closet for a week.  Let's hope she doesn't do it too often, her entire wardrobe might be banned, and then she would have to wear her brother's.  Of course, when she gets her clothes on without the drama, I figure out ways to reward her.  Ideas are welcome. 

So far, this mission is working.  In fact, she has done amazing and we have only missed the bus once...and it wasn't because of her...it was her brother wanting different shoes on.So far, goal FOR HAVING happIER mornings with my kids, check! Now if I could just ask them once (alright, twice) to get their shoes on and eat their breakfast. But at least the "getting dressed" part has become almost tear free.  Cheers!

If you make the threat, stick to it.

A minor example of what I am talking about occured this morning. I gave my kids their gummy vitamins. They love them. They actually think they are treats. They each get two and for some reason my son wanted the whole bag...again, they think they are treats. I calmly explained to him that they were vitamins and he could not have the whole bag. When I handed him his two he threw them on the floor. Crying hysterically he proceeded to stomp on them. I raised my voice and said, "Pick up those vitamin right now. It you don't, I will take them away." He didn't and so I took them away. It resulted in a pretty big meltdown but he got over it and didn't ask for them again.

We as parents need to decide when to lay down the law. There are about 1,000 times in a day when we could do this but deciding when and sticking to it is very important. I know we hear this all the time but a little reminder goes a long way. I am right there with you. Once you make the threat, all you think about is how 'out of sorts' they are going to be if you are forced to follow through. But trust me, they will get over it and they will learn about consequences.

And if you don't follow through, they will get that as well. I feel that if they see me as weak, they will take advantage of me. Especially when they are working together. ( I feel like I am not talking about my kids right now...like I am defending a nation or something. ) For instance, if I gave my son another chance to get his vitamins, a light would go off and he would see a second chance as a viable option for the next time. In life, sometimes he will have a second chance, but many times he won't.

Also this morning, my daughter was getting dressed. She wanted to wear shorts. It was snowing outside so I said she had to wear pants. She was crying and carrying on so I said that if she didn't start to get dressed by the count of 3 she wasn't going to get a sticker on her chart. (you know..ten stickers equals a reward) I counted slowly (we all do, right, hoping that they do it so you don't have to deal with the aftermath) Well, I got to 3 and she had not made the move, so no sticker.

You would have thought I told her that sleeping beauty never wakes up. She carried on about the sticker for a good 15 minutes while I was loading Spider and all the necessary items into the car. I would pass by her and touch her head but never gave her my full attention or eye contact until she calmed down. She is pretty hard headed. She couldn't let it go. So we talked about it.

I explained to her as we were driving in the car that I didn't take her sticker away, she CHOSE not to get a sticker. I know she is only 3 but I actually think she understands this concept. She is smart enough to get it. I believe that when kids realize/learn that they are the ones deciding and that they are the ones accountable, they are on their way to becoming responsible kids. Even though it is tough and exhausting look at it as if you are giving them the greatest gift of their lives.

I will leave you with this...In the end, my daughter wore shorts under her pants...told you she was hard headed. It couldn't have been comfortable but she wanted it and she got it. Remember to pick your battles.:) Happy Parenting!

Letting your kids dress themselves.

My daughter is 3 1/2 and she has a very strong will. I should know better by now than to suggest a certain item for her to wear. When I do, she immediately wants nothing to do with it. It honestly could have been her favorite thing the day before but because it was not her pick, she doesn't like it. This is when I step back and watch her go to work.

She loves to wear several of one type of item. For instance, she will pull out 3 shirts and a sweatshirt and ask me if it will work. I simply explain to her that she has chosen all upper-body wear and that it might be tight but she can do what she wants. I look at her closet and at times want to give away 90% of her clothes. She hardly wears any of it and what she does wear doesn't match. The funny thing is that my mom says this is exactly the way I was. I would wake up from naps with 8 pairs of undies on or 7 pairs of socks on one foot. Like I was going for some record or something. I also only wore one dress in kindergarten. It was the dress I wore as a flowergirl. My mom saved it and it is in Skye's closet right now, just waiting to be obsessed over.

It is hard sometimes to watch her pass up the really cute outfits, but in the end, she I know it is good because she gets to create her own outfit, making her own decisions and living with those decisions until the end of school. And when she puts it all together and dresses herself, the joy on her face almost brings tears to my eyes. Today, she wore her red Christmas dress from 2 years ago, a skort...yes, the skirt/short combo and a pull-over pink sweater. I dropped her off at school with a smile and when I picked her up I said to her teacher, "She dressed herself this morning." Her teacher said, "As soon as I saw Skye I said 'YES' cause we were talking about red today!" What a coincidence!